Outcome 4:
To engage with Even’s work, I gave feedback on writing a topic sentence before integrating a different author’s argument. This allows Even to introduce the different author’s argument but also be able to connect it to his topic and his own argument. This would allow us to see and relate how the other’s point of view relates to Even’s. I suggested providing more details on how another author’s arguments support the claim. This is because having a paragraph about someone else’s argument in the middle of your own argument doesn’t make your writing flow. It also doesn’t explain the significance of the other author’s argument. Therefore, this feedback was designed to help Even bring and connect other people’s arguments into his own and to provide evidence for his thesis.
I provided feedback on well-chosen evidence and quote analysis. I thought Even explained Ma’s argument well, “Yo-Yo Ma describes empathy as being a combination of head and heart or logic and emotion with a big focus on the emotion half. He says, “empathy is the ultimate quality that acknowledges our identity as members of one human family” (Ma 279).” He also analyzed the quote and tied it back to his thesis. The purpose of each paragraph was clear and was used to explain or prove one of his points to support his thesis. I think telling him that he’s doing something good, is also a form of constructive feedback that lets him know he’s doing something well and that he should keep doing it.
